Greetings Dear Friend,
Have you ever had a time in your life when you felt there was something you just had to do? You feel inadequate about how to accomplish it, constantly telling yourself that there is a real purpose for doing it while knowing that you could not put your time to accomplish anything more enlightening and beneficial. The harder you try to convince yourself that it would be too difficult and serve no real purpose, the deeper you feel that it should be done and you are made to feel unfulfilled or ashamed for not attempting it. You know that it would not be an easy task and to do it would cause you to sacrifice or place yourself in a place of discomfort. Mixed feelings and a feeling of inadequacy have stopped many needed accomplishments from being started, and I am sure that there has been a numberless amount of needed things left uncompleted because of doubt and indecision. Even after giving into your inner feelings and attempting to accomplish what you so deeply felt you must, there is still this feeling that what you have struggled to accomplish just really doesn’t quite measure up and is really quite inadequate or in sufficient. You are left feeling uneasy about sharing your aspirations and accomplishments with others, but somehow you feel a need to do so not out of an attempt to obtain praise but out of a true feeling or desire to be of assistance, to make a difference.
I have found myself going down this road, causing me to feel inferior and defeated. It is truly a lonely feeling, one of worthlessness; but it is also a situation that has a simple solution. Not simple in the fact that I must swallow my pride and expend the effort to get it done, but simple in that it is in my control to change or alter the direction I have chosen to follow. I know that in my life, I have made many bad decisions and the only way that I have been able to deal with them is to give them all to the Lord. I am nothing at my best but I have no cause to doubt that in Him, I can accomplish great things; I can accomplish His will for my life. What in life is so important that it cannot be sacrificed for the enrichment of humanity? Who am I to determine or dictate what is right or proper? What in my life has given me the right to limit God or to say what He can do or what He cannot do with little I have given Him? Nothing ever occurs to God. The many things that He does each day are Him just being God, when to man here on earth they are life giving miracles. All that I can and must do is to follow Him seeking His eternal will for my life. I must give Him what I have and what I am and then willingly step behind to follow Him wherever His will chooses to take me. For me this has not been easy, but has always been the way that I know it must be if I am to achieve any peace and joy in my life. Giving it to Him it is no longer my problem, it belongs to Him. The great thing about this arrangement is it is the way the He wants it to be. If I am to please Him, He expects me to give it all to Him. I no longer feel guilty or defeated; I am given peace knowing that He is always there for me to meet the needs that I could never in my self be able to accomplish or solve. How much better can it get? What else in life is there that promises me more peace or contentment?
While I was raising my children, I often met times when I forcefully had to inform my child that, as the drill went, “You are the child, and I am the Father”! “I make the rules you simply must follow”. The lessons that I had chosen to teach my children were for their own well being and advancement, I wanted to spare them from experiencing many of the problems I myself had created and experienced. It did not take me long to find out that just because I wanted things to be good they would automatically turn out to be good, or that I could control or limit the undesirable by just wishing it would not occur. The love that I felt for my children was not grown or diminished by their willingness to resist or obey, it was an inherent part of my life; it was what I was all about. Somehow, I feel that this is what God is all about, His love is not contingent on whether we as His children love and obey Him, and it is unconditional. He wants all His children to have a good life and I am for sure He is disappointed in us when we refuse to obey Him. He has done everything that He can possibly do as a good father to provide us the very best, but He cannot and will not force us to accept His love and direction.
Responsibility, everyone has their own list of duties, everyone has their own place to serve. Even an all-powerful God has reserved for Himself responsibilities, things that are in His control alone, things that He has chosen that make Himself sovereign. Without His eternal love and care, the good life would cease to exist and we would find ourselves in a situation of total disarray and panic, a situation of total hopelessness. Without a sense of order, everything becomes confused and bewildering. Without a sense of authority, everything becomes pointless and self-destructive. He and only He can place any order or reason into a life of total insanity. It is He and only He that can give true purpose and meaning into a life of complete hopelessness. It seems that in my life I have been given this sense of urgency to accomplish something that will enrich society as a whole and thus to help the singular individual one on one. Up front, it seems that you would class this as a noble cause and a good reason for existence but in my case, it is not that simple. I have always wanted to be of help to those I call my friends but somehow life just is not that simplified. Wanting and doing are not always that cooperative. They say that God must have had a sense of humor and I sometimes concur but so many times, I do not feel that He is doing what He has chosen to do out of a sense of being witty but a sense of urgency. It is kind of, like what is funny or humorous to some is crude or insensitive to others, it is all a sense of perspective.
My own life for instance, I have been given this feeling that somehow I have been place here for a greater purpose, something that will be of assistance to humanity but I have never felt that I have been a good enough example to do so. I have considered writing a book but in school English was one of my worst subjects and my spelling tests really did not excel. I have never considered myself anything special but I have always been willing to give it my best effort. I want to be used by God and I really do not care how He chooses to use me, I know His way is best. Lately, out of a series of unforeseen occurrences, I have been writing lyrics and attempting to create a music score for each. I have a somewhat extensive college experience having achieved a Masters degree in Fine Arts and design, but when it comes to music, I have zero experience. I do not know one note from another and if I did, I would not know what to do with them. I cannot really sing that well but I must do so if I am to get a melody that is penetrating my brain expressed. My wife and children have been blessed with Heavenly voices but when I give them the words that I have written they look at me and ask me what I expect them to do with them, they can’t read my mind. I have been blessed with this dilemma, and after due course, I have discovered the solution. Give it to God! If He can use my humble efforts than they are His to use, it is all about Him anyway. Even when I am thoroughly convinced with what I must do, I was left with some reservation. I am a somewhat reserved, private individual, what some people call a “loner” or “backward”. I enjoy my privacy, but I was left to feel insecure about it when I was convinced that I might hold the key to a dear soul’s salvation. I was made to dwell upon the Bible story about the five loaves and two small fishes. The lads’ offering was small indeed when considering the dilemma, feeding of five thousand, but with God, not all things are only possible they are probable. God’s Word is for everyone and is not to be hoarded. I recently had the privilege of viewing several Christian videos. I was not only blessed by the messages given, but I was also challenged to take up my cross and do what God has commissioned every Christian to do, FOLLOW! Will it be easy? Probably not but I don’t recall anywhere in God’s Word where He tells us to take the easy road or ever gives us the opportunity in His service to do so. All instances of biblical record identify the cross as an act of servitude or sacrifice. His promise is to never leave or forsake us as one of His own.
Lately I am made to feel that accomplishing some great feat is only surpassed by the reason you have chosen to attempt it. If you have chosen to do it for selfish reasons or your motivation is purely self-sustaining or self-gratifying the returns will for sure be less rewarding or insignificant. I never want to find myself doing things for my own purpose but I want to be sure that what I am doing is the best that I have to offer to a God that deserves my very best. It is in this tone that I will continue doing what I feel I am expected to do. I am not trying to please humanity or myself. I know to many what I am doing is very inadequate or even foolish. If I were good at what I do, I am sure I would also be proud or vain. It would be more of “Look what I’ve done.” instead of giving it to Him and allowing Him to do as He pleases. A biblical truth is that God has chosen the simple to confound the wise. I have chosen to consider myself simple and to seek His wisdom as I live my daily life.
I do not consider what I have done spectacular or a work of art. It is somewhat of a revelation how we as Gods children look at our meager efforts to serve Him as very inadequate and unassuming but if we are doing His will, He (God) looks at them as gold and precious stones. I am writing this to tell you a bit more about myself, my aspirations, what I am attempting to do with my web page. I had intended for this (my page) to happen several years ago but I found that what I wanted to do was a bit more complicated than just wishing it would occur. Nevertheless, by the grace of God, I am here and I must say I am excited as to what God can do if we give him the opportunity to work. I am never at a loss for ideas and I find it my ambition, with the help of God and the many friends that I depend upon, to produce a page that will praise the One it is all about. To be a blessing to the individuals that accesses my page. I am constantly open for any creative ideas and criticism that anyone would like to inject but I feel that my first loyalty must go to the Creator and to those things that I know would be pleasing to Him.
So much of life today is very negative and as the pastor of my church so aptly put it, “There is a broken heart behind every door.” It is my intention to direct individuals to the One who has the solutions to their problems, who can heal the broken hearts and the hurt feeling of this inadequate world. There are no answers or solutions to be found in a corrupt, insensitive government. There are no answers or solutions to be found in a society that evolves around selfish desires and the lust for self-indulgence. The only real unfailing solutions are found in the One who created this world. In an attempt to find true companionship with His creation, He has always been the answer and always remains the only answer.
It has not always been that I cared for humanity and that I sincerely wanted to do something to improve it. I have lived an eventful life, but in the past years, I have seen things that I loved and admired go by the way. I have always been somewhat of a skeptic and have been lead to believe that society is on a quick course to destruction. That causes me great concern because of my children and grandchildren and the potential that they will not have the same freedoms and opportunities that I have so wondrously had. Each day I am made to believe more thoroughly that trust in the Almighty God of this universe is the only hope for humanity. I know that this has always been from the very beginning but it seems to be made more evident each day that I live.
As I get older, I have developed awareness and a desire to do something to enrich or improve the human condition. I know that the only hope of accomplishing this is an attempt to bring men to acknowledge their fallen state, to get them to look up and to ask forgiveness. Can it be done, only time will tell? I know that right or wrong, good or bad, whatever the conditions; I am not released from my earnest attempt in doing it, the results are up to God.
I do not consider what I have started to be a polished work of art, or professional by any means, but I do feel that it is a genuine start for others who have far more ability to build upon. I have placed all my efforts in the hands of an almighty God and have found peace in doing so. As long as I can feel His leadership, I will continue my efforts. I know it is the only thing that is required of me but I would receive a true blessing knowing that my work will continue. I don’t know how much better I could be made to feel than knowing what I have done has brought someone to the Savior or has gave them comfort or encouragement, that is what this is all about.
About my music. As was already noted on a previous page, I am not a music professional but I do possess the God given ability of self expression. I have been writing since July of 2006, have found a certain peace, and joy in doing it. I do not find any comfort or any satisfaction in self- glorification and I choose to give all my praise and honor to the only One that truly deserves it, my eternal God. When I lift him up, he picks me up. I have written approximately 700 songs now and during that time I have shared my work with many friends, family, pastors, missionaries and just people I have met. I hope that anyone that has the will to listen will find true peace and enjoyment by doing so. I am not so much concerned as to how good I am but have a deep passion to tell the world how good he is. In a world, that has forgotten God, I know that harsh criticism is sure to abound but as in panning for gold, much debris must be discarded to find that one small glimmering precious stone. I am looking for my reward. I am not ready to give up until I find it. May God bless you as we share?
Some of my intentions and plans. My first plan is to seek God’s divine will for what I do and let him as he has so promised in his eternal word, bless my efforts. I do not intend to run this page as a business but I do know to obtain success certain organizational policies and criteria must be met. I would like and will attempt to get as many individuals as possible involved in working on this page. I would like to find professional, truly caring, individuals who can take what I have started and make it something that can be used to praise my God even more. In God’s work, there is a place for everyone. As an example, I can write as I am now, but before I can post what I have written I must first give it to my daughter or wife to proofread what I have written. You must catch those min-spelled words and do not forget proper punctuation, Heaven forbid! What I am saying is, while what I have written may be ok or maybe even really good, it can be made even better by allowing the chance of co-operation to exist. Being willing to work together in the spirit of unity can make things not only better but they can also be sometimes more enjoyable. The idea, as in any endeavor, must be expressed. As that idea is taken and put into practice only time will tell just how successful that idea was. The more lives it blesses, the more good it accomplishes, the more joy it produces, the better the idea was. Everything has a starting point, everything has a starting time, for me that time is now!
I plan to keep an open mind. I do not say this meaning that I am ready to accept every radical, hair brained idea that is presented to me. Being up front and very candid about it, everything in order to be found acceptable must first be proven or backed by the living word of God (KJV). I do not as of now have the knowledge or foresight as to what I will do in the future. I only know that without the true feeling of God’s leadership, back by his infallible Word, without the advice of a few Godly men, it will not happen. At this time I have no intentions of giving personal advice or to instruct anyone in any other way than to advise or to guarantee true peace and joy by living your life totally devoted to Him. I (man) cannot solve anything; He (God) can solve everything. Anyone who is ignorant of this fact, I can say without a doubt has not truly experienced what the new birth or living their life in him is truly all about. God has given me the opportunity and the duty to tell others about his eternal love, he (God) must be the one to sustain it. I, in my own strength or wisdom could never have conceived the creation of so many songs, or would I have decided to post them for all to read, to hear. To me it is somewhat scary, it has taken me out of my comfort zone and I am somewhat apprehensive about doing it. Where is the ability to write, the ability and strength to do what must be done to come from? There are so many impossibilities to consider, so many difficult problems to solve. When I am tempted to give up or to put off what I feel I am being led to do, I am reminded of what God has done for me and I am made ashamed for doubting. Financial, physical, emotional, whatever the problem I know that he has the strength to meet all needs and he has promised to do so because he is God. It seems that the plan I have been given to follow is the “learn as you go plan” and when I pause to think about it I feel that is the way God wants it. I feel that my faith is being exercised and when I have reached my goal I will without a doubt know where all the praise belongs. I know very little about music but I feel I know even less about web pages. I have been working with computers twenty years or more and I really enjoy doing so. I spend several hours each day at my computer but I have had little exposure on creating and maintaining web pages. My brother, I have a twin, who is light years ahead of me in professional computer programs having spent most of his professional life in the operation of them, he has been my salvation and I do not feel I could do it without him. I also have a son who is extremely proficient in intellectual matters and in most instances is off and running when I am still at the starting gate. The area that I suffer in, God has provided me with an individual that has the ability to more than satisfy the need. What an awesome God, he always provides. He has given me a wonderful, talented family and if it were to end there, I would be truly grateful. May the prayers of so many friends and well-wishers fall on the ears of a gracious God and may the lives of many people be changed and strengthened by our endeavor. Pray for his eternal mercy. I offer all my praise to him. May he richly bless your life as you follow him and may he continue to provide all wisdom and knowledge as we seek to do His will. May God Bless