I am not supposed to be here, but I am. You might consider this an unusual, even bizarre, beginning but let me explain. Life with its twists and turns, up’s and down’s, uncertainties and frailties has been granted to all of us; and it becomes our duty, yes, even our responsibility, to treat it with respect and reverence. We have been placed here for a purpose, and, unlike the belief of many, that purpose is not to fulfill our evil desires or to revel in the disobedience of self-adoration. To say that it was not my choice to be born or excusing disobedience by denying responsibility is a fool’s game; it will never gain any form of relevance or explicit advantage. God has given us life and it is at that point we have been afforded; not only the right but the responsibility to do what He has deemed beneficial and fitting. He has chosen to make every life profitable for His service and if we are to gain peace and true fulfillment, our lives will be dedicated to Him. He is the one that created us and He is the one that must cause that life to remain.
I was born in the early forties into a family of seven. Born into a family of difficulty and poverty, I had many brothers and sisters but very little of this world’s riches and resources. Being very young and having no dad to look up to for wisdom and guidance, I immediately began to make excuses and defenses for my indiscretions and misdeeds. I justified all that I supposed to be needed to make life desirable, even what I considered livable. It was never my intentions to set goals to strive for those things that were better, instead I told myself that I had been deprived of a fair chance, and therefore I had not obtained the substance or the potential to do better. Poverty had left me without hope and, in my raging spirit; I was left without the desire to excel. Life had treated me with disrespect and I was not responsible for my predicament.
Life to me became a discouragement and I decided that in order to get along, I would just, as they say, go with the flow. The shambles that life was becoming presented no form of hope or positive expectation and I saw no need to fight but to just surrender. Wanting to do better or craving those things of the affluent would only cause me pain and disappointment, and I quickly learned that expecting the impossible would only cause me to become angry and bitter. Life in and of itself can be difficult and unrewarding; but, without a purpose or drive to improve, it can sometimes become unbearable. Choosing to go the way of the world, while being unprofitable became the only path I could justify, and I became lost in its immorality and perversion. Acting out gave me a feeling of influence or power and I let my evil passion direct me. God was there but I chose not to accept or acknowledge His presence. Like an unkempt promise, I refused to allow His involvement in my life. Making excuses and justifying what could sometimes be considered profane can become a way of life, and you soon find yourself in a place of cold and bitter rejection. Experiencing the evil of this world soon became my ambition and as the days became tiresome and uneventful; I was content to live in its arrogance and deceit.
At an early age I gave my heart to Jesus; but, even with Him in my life, I really did not realize the true importance of living my life to its highest potential. I did not realize the importance of living for God and I willingly gave up that blessing of serving Him. As I look back, I can see the true impact He has made in my life and now realize that if He had not been there I would never had made it. The battles in life are truly extreme and can often leave you bewildered and torn. So many times my flesh or the carnal part of life seen fit to draw me back into the world and I was content to follow. That is why I can say: I am not supposed to be here, but by the love and grace of God I am. The faithfulness of God is without admonishment; He will always be found reliable and without reproach. Given what you might consider a mixed bag of life’s probabilities, I was given the two extremes of my options, and it then became my responsibility to choose.
Choosing was the most difficult part of life for me because in choosing I was forced to give up many of those things I wanted to experience. I wanted to follow God’s will for my life but the harder I tried the more I seemed to fail. For years I had told myself that little was good enough and even if I were to give more, I could never give enough to make life profitable or rewarding. In my mind I was a failure and even though I really didn’t want to be, I didn’t have the desire to change. So much of my life was lived on excuses and allowing the devil that place in my life that belonged to God. Without allowing God to be where He should have been, His strength had been misplaced and, because of my impertinence it would not be there to guide me through those difficult times. Lies and deception soon became the pattern and an inability to succeed would set the standard.
Living a life on excuses, giving into every temptation and then hating yourself for your lack of faith and persistence will not give you the peace and joy that you so desperately need and desire. My life became all about the moment and while I was satisfying the flesh I was crucifying the spirit. Having it both ways can never be an option, but not wanting to pay the price or fight the fight; I would find myself back at the beginning over and over again. The devil had gained a stronghold in my life and each day that I lived he was there to trouble and to buffet me. There were so many things that I lacked but Satan made sure that I had those things that were tempting and deplorable. Having nothing but telling yourself that you have it all is where the enemy wants you to be and as he perverts the truth, he causes those that trust in him to become self-centered and loathsome.
I know that I could have done better; but, instead of living in the past with all of its negativity and remorse, I have chosen to give it all to God and allow Him to make of it what I know only He can do. He has caused me to see the really important things in life that to all men are necessary and profitable. This world has told me that there are so many things that I cannot do; and, if I am unwilling to follow or to pay my dues, I will not be considered creditable. Selling out to a world or form and standard of belief that is corrupt or evil can in no way be considered wise or profitable. God is the only standard I should follow; and He is the only one that can give life, any life, its purpose or reason. It is the purpose and will of God that has brought me to this point. It is for this purpose that I dedicate my life, and it is for this reason that I emphatically state. I (by the world’s standard) am not supposed to be here, but (by the wonderful grace and wisdom of God) I am.
Many of the blessings that I received or the opportunities that were afforded me were because of the compassion and generosity of caring companions and friends; and, because of their willingness to share, I was allowed to gain. By God’s wonderful love and grace, I was granted an extensive education. Partaking of His blessings, I was taken to that place of complete dependability and promise. I admit that it was not in that part of my life that this world would consider as advantageous or beneficial to my writing, but I do not consider God’s direction to be improper or misguided. God has a reason and a purpose for everything that He does, and I am not about to question or disrespect God’s authority. It was time in my life for me to acknowledge and accept His infallibility and to put Him in that place that could make my life productive and profitable; profitable in the sense that I could grow while sharing His goodness with others, not in a financial way or means. Being where I am, I know that God in His wisdom and understanding has put me in this place of responsibility.
As I write it is my intention to bring praise unto God and to tell this world how much He really loves them and wants to be their God. There really is nothing that I can say that is a new revelation or that hasn’t been repeated a hundred times before. God’s Word is not new and God has not changed, that is one of the things about Him that is so wonderful, so important. What I have learned in the past is just as relative today as it was when I first acquired it many years ago. What is also true is Satan, the enemy, has not given up and he is just as deadly and just as determined as he has always been. The true evidence if his presence and his determination are the many wasted hours and opportunities that have been prevalent in my own life and the lives of God’s children. We didn’t get in the shape that we are in because of our faithfulness and without a realization and a turning back to Him; we will never accomplish the true victory He has for us. The triumph of God is the only thing in life that is worth striving for and to have the satisfaction of knowing that we were being used of Him to accomplish His purpose is our only true glory.
God will not allow His child to be destroyed but that does not mean that we as His child will always remain faithful and useable. We were never put into this world to go our own way and if we allow this world to convince us that our way is the only way, then we will end up being defeated and discomfited. God speaks of peace and joy He wants to give us but unless we are willing to do what it takes to obtain them, they will never become the central part of our life as He wants them to be. Problems and difficulties were never part of God’s plan and if they are seemingly what our life is all about, then we should check and see if we have really been striving to honor Him. It is never wise to doubt or to blame God and if our lives are not what we want them to be then I suggest that we have fallen out of His abundant will. God’s ways are not mundane or boring; His will is not dull or lifeless. It is impossible to find joy in life any way but God’s way and without true joy we will never obtain true fellowship with God or our fellow man.
As I depend upon God, each day becomes a blessing and I am made to anticipate what marvels He will accomplish in that day. The excitement or the anticipation of seeing God at work does not leave time for boredom or time to squander. God will place in each day what is necessary and He will see that everything that is needed is not left undone. To really see God at work or to be used of Him, you must be in that place where He can use you. Being in the center of God’s will is like having a front row seat; you will never miss any of the action. God’s will is about the impossible; it is all about miracles. What could ever be more exciting or what could ever be more enjoyable? To be in Gods absolute protection leaves no room for fear and when we are not fearful we become fruitful and useable. The blessings and rewards of God are obtained while we are consecrated and useful.
God’s way is all about togetherness and unity; it is about brotherhood and family. No matter how selfish the will becomes, the heart is always longing to belong, always wanting to be loved. When we give ourselves to God, we become a part of His family. In marriage, we are no longer one, we become united, we become what is considered a family. It was God that created and blessed the union known as the family and it is Satan that is corrupting and distorting what God has made indispensable. To suggest that God considers any union acceptable and will bless any bond as sacred is heresy. The true audacity of arrogance maintains that the will of man is paramount and that God must honor what man has deemed blameless. God will not be held accountable nor will He be obligated to bless anything that He does not consider holy. To follow the wisdom of man will never be considered wise and to justify what God considers as sin will always be considered foolish and self-destructive. It can be no other way. God’s love gives us His marvelous grace and by His mercy we have been afforded His wonderful gift, the gift of eternal life.
As a Christian the best time to serve God is now, the best time to quit is never. A successful Christian is always “on call” and is always listening for God to speak. That may not always be convenient, that may not always be your preference, but it will be the best and most rewarding time of your life. Much of what I have written was not written when I felt like writing it, it was written when God gave it to me. Many times I have discontinued doing what I was doing to write down what I felt in my heart God was telling me to write. To gain the blessing of God is true increase while to lose His favor is to lose even life itself. Early in the morning or in the middle of the day, every minute belongs to Him and if I am to be found faithful I must be sensitive to His leadership. I know that God will always be found faithful and I know that His promises are abundant and sure. There can never be a time in my life when my desires are considered more important than His, and there should never be a time when I expect Him to give more than He has already given. As I seek His strength and wisdom, His promises begin to unfold and I am made to understand the many wonders of His marvelous love. As each part of life’s puzzle is put in its proper place God is creating a masterpiece of love and His abundant will.
It is the true purpose of God to accomplish His will thru His children and for everything to be its best; all of His family must be united for one goal and one purpose, to love and honor Him. To consider yourself as a Christian to have been given a different task or responsibility other than that of honoring God is delusional and will only prove to be unprofitable. The Bible speaks of the body of Christ and maintains that everything must work together for His will to be accomplished (1Corinthians 12:12-26). God’s will is never about individualism or going it alone. The idea or intent of belonging to a family is that of sharing or gaining His strength thru Christian unity and fellowship. This is the true purpose of life; it is why God has placed us here, the obligation and privilege to serve. What could be more magnificent than God placing His trust upon His child? For God to depend upon man shows not only His love but His complete acceptance. God will not place upon His child something he cannot do or something that is not in His perfect will. As we work together our love is allowed to grow and as our love for one another is nurtured, so is our love for the one that has created us and made us one of His own. As a servant of Christ we are called to minister, to be that individual unspotted by the sins of this world.
We somehow have risen to the idea that a person called to the ministry is called to be privileged and above other people. That by the grace of God they have been given a pious superiority or are made much better than the norm. But according to Jesus Christ, a pastor or leader is called to be a “pattern” for others—called to be their spiritual leader, but never their superior (Luke 22:27). If are devotion is to the cause of humanity, we will be left overwhelmed and broken-hearted because of the inhumanity of man to man. If we are motivated by our love for God, no amount of ingratitude will be able to hinder us from serving one another. Once we realize that Jesus has served us even to the depths of our meagerness, our selfishness, and our sin, nothing we encounter from others will be able to exhaust our determination to serve others for His sake. The opportunity of serving Him will become our true glory as He reveals to us the true purpose and meaning of life. The arrogant heart has no purpose outside of self and as we see God’s complete sacrifice, we are made to visualize what is true and important.
And whosoever will be chief among you, let him be your servant: “Even as the Son of man came not to be ministered unto, but to minister, and to give his life a ransom for many” (Matthew 20:27-28).
As we view the heart and mind of Christ, what is there in this life that can take precedence or preeminence? What makes service to self more desirable, more important? As we strive to gain those things that are of true worth; the sacrifice of self is the only way we can gain those things that are precious and rewarding. Unless our spiritual eyes are opened to the true realities of life we will never see those things that are spiritual and physical necessities. True importance is not found in those things of the flesh; and without the leadership of the Spirit, we will never possess those things that are of positive value. Our true perspective should be to see things that God wants us to see and our only devotion should be to do those things that He has told us to do. There should be no other way or purpose than to please the one and only God of all wisdom and knowledge, the one and only God of eternal benefit.
God has called each of us to be faithful and in being faithful we accomplish His abundant will for our lives. The particular job we have been given to do is not what is to be considered important, it is our desire and determination to do what He has asked us to do that is paramount. I say that I am not a writer, but I know that what I say is only relative when it corresponds to what God says. If it is God’s intent that I write, then, by His will and purpose, I am a writer. GLH