Excerpts from my unpublished book, “Life in perspective… PART ONE
I am not supposed to be here, but I am. You might consider this an unusual, even bizarre, beginning but let me explain. Life with its twists and turns, up’s and down’s, uncertainties and frailties has been granted to all of us; and it becomes our duty, yes, even our responsibility, to treat it with respect and reverence. We have been placed here for a purpose, and, unlike the belief of many, that purpose is not to fulfill our evil desires or to revel in the disobedience of self-adoration. To say that it was not my choice to be born or excusing disobedience by denying responsibility is a fool’s game; it will never gain any form of relevance or explicit advantage. God has given us life and it is at that point we have been afforded; not only the right but the responsibility to do what He has deemed beneficial and fitting. He has chosen to make every life profitable for His service and if we are to gain peace and true fulfillment, our lives will be dedicated to Him. He is the one that created us and He is the one that must cause that life to remain.
I was born in the early forties into a family of seven. Born into a family of difficulty and poverty, I had many brothers and sisters but very little of this world’s riches and resources. Being very young and having no dad to look up to for wisdom and guidance, I immediately began to make excuses and defenses for my indiscretions and misdeeds. I justified all that I supposed to be needed to make life desirable, even what I considered livable. It was never my intentions to set goals to strive for those things that were better, instead I told myself that I had been deprived of a fair chance, and therefore I had not obtained the potential or the substance to do better. Poverty had left me without hope and, in my raging spirit; I was left without the desire to excel. Life had treated me with disrespect and I was not responsible for my predicament.
Life to me became a discouragement and I decided that in order to get along, I would just, as they say, go with the flow. The shambles that life was becoming presented no form of hope or positive expectation and I saw no need to fight but to just surrender. Wanting to do better or craving those things of the affluent would only cause me pain and disappointment, and I quickly learned that expecting the impossible would only cause me to become angry and bitter. Life in and of itself can be difficult and unrewarding; but, without a purpose or drive to improve, it can sometimes become unbearable. Choosing to go the way of the world, while being unprofitable became the only path I could justify, and I became lost in its immorality and perversion. God was there but I chose not to accept or acknowledge His presence. Like an unkempt promise, I refused to allow His involvement in my life. Making excuses and justifying what could sometimes be considered profane can become a way of life, and you soon find yourself in a place of cold and bitter rejection. Experiencing the evil of this world soon became my ambition and as the days became tiresome and uneventful; I was content to live in its arrogance and deceit.
At an early age I gave my heart to Jesus; but, even with Him in my life, I really did not realize the true importance of living my life to its highest potential. I did not realize the importance of living for God and I willingly gave up that blessing of serving Him. As I look back, I can see the true impact He has made in my life and now realize that if He had not been there I would never had made it. The battles in life are truly extreme and can often leave you bewildered and torn. So many times my flesh or the carnal part of life seen fit to draw me back into the world and I was content to follow. That is why I can say: I am not supposed to be here, but by the love and grace of God I am. (TO BE CONTINUED)
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